It All Coms Down To Whose By Your Side
by Providencelover
Summary: Ashley and Amy have been home a week and Ashley starts feeling bad. Will Ashley live or will her twin Amy lose another person close to her? This follows the story A Thousand Miles. please r/r No flames PLEASE.


It all comes down to whose by your side   
  
Summery: The Hansens are worried when one of the twins gets really sick.   
Note: We are not medical experts. Please don't flame us if things are wrong.   
  
  
It all comes down to whose by your side:   
  
Ashley's POV:   
  
I'd been home from Philly and Chicago a week now and was glad to be back. The play had gone well but I was anxious to see Brian and Casey. I'd been sleeping a lot too which I knew Syd was concerned about. Amy had left for camp the previous day and wouldn't be back until that Friday. I was lying in my bed trying to decide if I should get up or not when Syd came into the room.   
"Are you planning on sleeping the day away?" she asked sitting on the edge of the bed. "You've been home a week now you shouldn't be tired."   
I sat up. "I don't know what's wrong with me," I said.   
"Are you feeling all right?" she asked. She felt my forehead but I pushed her hand away.   
"I'm fine," I assured her. "I'll be downstairs in a minute."   
Syd stood up. "OK." she went out of the room closing the door behind her.   
I got out of bed and went over to the mirror. I had circles under my eyes and I had a huge bruise on my right shoulder that I'd noticed last night. I put on my summer bathrobe and went downstairs. Syd and Joanie were sitting at the bar with Hannah.   
"Morning sleepy head," Joanie said. "Are you hungry?"   
I shook my head. "No, not really I'll just have some oatmeal."   
Syd looked at me. "Ash are you sure you're OK you haven't been eating as much either since we've been home."   
"I'm fine Syd," I said. I went over and got myself a package of oatmeal. I poured it into a bowl and stuck it under the bowling water in the sink.   
"I"m sorry kiddo," Syd said.   
"Its OK," I said as I stirred my oatmeal. "You're a doctor it comes naturally."   
Syd laughed. "You've got a point. Do you have any plans today?"   
"Brian and I thinking about hanging out later," I said. "We haven't seen each other since we got back."  
"That's a good idea," Syd said. "Where are you two going?"   
"Probably to the park," I said sitting down at the bar beside Hannah. "We need some time to ourselves."   
Syd gave me a look.   
"We'll be in the park," I protested.   
"Sorry," Syd said. She smiled. She stood up. "Well I've got to get going."   
"Bye," I said turning off the water. I dried my hands on a towel.   
"Ashley will you play with me?" Hannah asked.   
"I can't right now," I said. "I have to go get dressed and go see Brian."   
"OK," Hannah said.   
"I'll play with you after I get home," I said.   
Hannah's eyes lit up. "OK."   
I smiled at her and went upstairs. I was still sick to my stomach but didn't want to tell anyone, hoping it'd go away on its own. I took a shower, put on my jean shorts and pink top. quickly dried my hair and brushed it straight and headed downstiars. I found my shoes on the stairs and slipped them on. I went into the living room where Joanie was watching the news.   
"I'm off," I said. "I'm going to meet Brian at the park."   
"OK," Joanie said. "Have a good time be back at a decent hour."   
I laughed. "I will." I went out the front door slamming it behind me.   
  
I saw Brian sitting on the bench waiting for me as I neared the park.   
"Hey!" he said coming up to me. We kissed and I sat down beside him.   
"Are you OK?" he asked. "You look kind of pale."   
"I'm fine," I said. "Don't worry about me."   
"So what have you been up to?" Brian asked.   
"Nothing much," I said. Suddenly a wave of Nausea hit me and I tried my best to control it.   
"Ash are you OK?" Brian asked.   
I shook my head. "No."   
Brian helped me stand up. "Come on let's get you home."  
  
I spent an hour trapped in the bathroom throwing up. I didn't know what had come over me but obviously something had.   
"Ash are you OK?" Joanie asked knocking on the door.   
"No," I said. Sticking my head out the door.   
"Come on we're going to see Syd," Joanie said. She came into the bathroom where I was bent over the toilet.   
I nodded and stood up. Brian was out in the hallway.   
"Are you OK?" he asked.   
"I don't know," I said.   
"I'm coming with you," Brian said.   
"I'll get my dad to watch Hannah," Joanie said. "Brian help her to the car."   
Brain helped me to the car and I couldn't help wonder if this was some sort of yucky bug or if it was something worse.   
  
Joanie took me to the clinic and Brian (along with Hannah) came with me I didn't throw up the whole way there, which surprised me. Finally after what seemed like an hour we reached the clinic. Brian helped me out of the car and we went inside.   
"Hey Izzy," Joanie said. "Where's Syd?"   
"With a patient," Izzy said. "What's wrong?"   
"Ash is tossing her cookies as we speak," I heard Joanie say.   
"I'll get her," Izzy said and went toward the back.   
I started throwing up again and luckily one of the nurses got me a bowl. Finally Syd came over.   
"Ash what's wrong?" she asked. She bent down to me.   
"I don't know," I said looking at her. I sat up.   
Syd helped me up and took me to an exam room. I laid down on one of the beds.   
"How long have you been throwing up?" she asked.   
"About an hour," I said. "I can't stop. It happened so suddenly too."   
Syd listened to my heart and lungs (a normal doctor thing to do) and I laid back down.   
"I'm going to draw some blood so we can see what we're dealing with here," Syd said.   
  
Syd put me on an IV and I stayed at the clinic the rest of the afternoon. She wouldn't let Brian come see me in case I was contagious which really sucked. I wanted him with me but there was nothing I could do.   
"We'll have the results tomorrow," Syd said. It had been four hours since I'd gotten there but I was still no better.   
Syd started checking me over. "You've got a rash."   
I looked down at myself. Sure enough there was a purple rash on my legs that I hadn't noticed before.   
"What is it?" I asked starting to feel scared.   
"I don't know," Syd said. "Let's get you home and to bed."   
  
I didn't sleep much at all that night. I was awake most of the night throwing up and I could barely walk. Brian stayed with me as much as he could which I was grateful for. By that afternoon the next day Syd had my lab results.   
"You have what's called HSP," Syd said. "It's a blood disease, its viral."   
"It's a disease?" I asked. Brian was sitting beside me.   
"Its very rare in someone your age," Syd said. "The most severe cases can cause kidney damage but don't worry I'm sure yours won't get that bad."   
"What if it does?" I asked.   
"Ash calm down," Syd said. "You just have to let it run its course."   
I sighed.   
Syd got up off the couch. "I'll be in the kitchen if you need anything."   
I looked at Brian.   
"Hey it'll be OK," Brian said. He squeezed my hand.   
I looked at him. "What if its not."   
  
  
  
  
Amy's POV  
  
I ran the second lap around the field. I knew I was never, ever, ever going to do camo again. I got in trouble for wasting food. It wasn't my fault the camp had really bad food. I couldn't wait to go back to the Hansen's house. A bunch of kids were watching me, and cheering me on. No matter where I was in Rhode Island, I was Miss. Popularity. I wanted to be a loser at camp, which is why I went to an athletic camp, so everyone could make fun of my nonsporty skills. But no. Instead I was the most popular girl here, and got in trouble the most. Today I had to run 6 laps around the huge soccer field.   
By the fourth lap I knew I wasn't going to make it. They were too hard here. I was running short of breath. The sun was beating on me, I could feel sweat running down my face and back. My legs were hurting... everything ached. Everybody's voices sounded so faint, in the distant. My vision started getting blurry, and then it went black.  
" She's waking." I heard someone say.   
" I'm sueing." I said, I shocked myself, but I opened my eyes. A bunch if people were around me. The nurse's face was right in front of me.  
" What?" She asked. I sat up and felt dizzy, I fell back down.  
' I'm sueing!" i said louder. Everyone clapped except for the nurse.  
" Your dehydrated, and dellusional. I'll help you to the infermary." She said. She helped me up, and linked my arm around her shoulder.   
" She's really taking me back to her spaceship, where she's going to probe me!" I screamed as we walked away. I passed out again, and I guess the nurse took me to the infermary,   
  
Before I knew it I was going home. I was really dehydrated, and that's why I was passing out. Stupid camp. I had a million and one numbers/adresses/sns, I got tons of hugs and a few kisses(no, I don't kiss and tell. hah). I was packed and ready to go. I stood on the front porch of the camp house waiting for someone to come pick me up. Finally Joanie came pulling up with Hannah in the back.  
" Hey, let me help you." She said and grabbed a bag. We loaded my stuff up and got into the car. The song Hot in Herre was on. "It's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes!" She was singing. I laughed.  
" Mommy, why are we taking off our clothes?" Hannah asked.  
" We're taking off our clothes because it's hot, you're not taking off your clothes for anyone until I'm dead." Joanie said. I laughed. 'So how was camp?"  
" Sucked." I said. "I passed out a couple days ago, I was dehydrated from running. I was in trouble almost everyday, I was running 6-8 laps everyday from punishment, 4 for the daily warm up, and I was popular."  
" Yeah it sucks when people like you." Joanie said sarcastically.  
" It does. Is Brian at the house?" I asked.  
'" Probably. Syd and your sister have something to tell us. She was sick this week too, and had some tests done."   
" Oh." I said. Ashley was always sick, Ashley, Ashley, Ashley. I forgot how nice it was not hear her name.   
  
When we got home, Brian's bike was in the front, so I pushed it over, sprayed the house on it, and kicked it.  
" Amy!" Joanie said trying to discipline me while trying to hide her laughter.  
" Sorry, it slipped." i said. We walked inside, and Syd, Brian, and Ashley were sitting on the couch.  
" So whats wrong now?" I sighed and fell back.  
" I have HSP." Ashley said.   
" And that is exaclty?" I asked.  
" A blood disease." Ashley said, and started crying.   
" It's not that serious. The worst case for her would be kidney damage...which isn't going to happen. She's too young." Syd said.  
" Kidney damage? Not that bad?" I asked. I stood up. "Listen Mrs. I-know-everything Doctor, my Grandfather died from kidney damage."   
" Your going to scare your sister." Brian said standing up.   
" What are you going to do?" I snapped.   
" I don't know." Brian said.  
" Stop, please." Ashley said crying. "It's my disease, don't fight over it."  
" Thats right Ashley, because this is only happening to you." I snapped. I ran upstairs. I thought coming home from camp would be fun, but it turned out worst. Right then, I would have rather had one of the camp's Tuna Surprise than dealing with this...  
  
Ashley's POV:   
  
I watched my sister go and turned back to Syd.   
"She's just scared," Syd said. Syd stood up. "I'll be upstairs talking to your sister if you need anything."  
I nodded and laid back down. I was so weak, I could barely move and my joints ached. The purple rash had gotten worse and I couldn't eat anything. Brian was sitting in chair beside the couch.   
"Will you do something for me?" I asked him.   
"Anything," Brain said.   
"Will you tell Casey," I said.   
"Sure," Brian said. "I think she's coming home tomorrow."   
I nodded. "Thanks for being here with me."   
Brian kissed my hand. "Your welcome anytime."   
I suddenly began to feel sick again. I looked at Brian and then I passed out.   
  
I don't know how long I was out but when I woke up I found myself in the hospital with an IV in me.   
"You had us worried," Syd said. She was wearing blue scrubs. "We had to put you on an IV to give you fluid."   
"Is my sister here?" I asked.   
"No but Brian is," Syd said. I saw Brian in the doorway. "Come on in."   
Brian came over to me. "How are you feeling?"   
"Crappy," I said. I took his hand. I looked at him tears in my eyes. "Brian I'm scared."   
"Of what?" Brian asked.   
"I'm scared of what will happen if this gets worse," I replied. I looked him straight in the eye. "I'm scared of dying."   
Brian embraced me into hug. "That won't happen Ash Syd won't let it."   
"I've been sick a week and I'm no do better," I said.   
Syd came over to the bed. "Brian visiting hours are almost over."   
"What time is it?" I asked.   
"Almost eleven at night," Syd said.   
"Please Syd please let him stay," I pleaded. "My sister doesn't want to come see me I need one person my age...no offense."   
Syd smiled. "None taken. All right he can stay."  
"Thanks Dr. Hansen," Brian said. He sat back down in the chair beside my bed.   
"I suggest you try to go back to sleep Ash," Syd said.   
I nodded. I closed my eyes and fell asleep holding Brian's hand.   
  
The next morning I awoke to more voices in the room. I looked over and saw Amy sitting in the chair Brian had been sitting in. She looked like she was about to start crying at any moment and if you don't know my sister, well she doesn't like to cry.   
"Hey," Amy said softly. "How are you feeling?"   
"Crappy," I said. I looked at her.   
"I bet," Amy said. "But its no wonder you're always sick you always get all the attention and everyone likes you, everyone wants to pity you. This isn't just your disease you know its effecting all of us." Amy bolted from the room knocking into Brian who was just coming in.   
"Whoa slow down," Brian said.   
"Back off loser," Amy said and pushed past him.   
Brian came over to me. "What's she so upset about?"   
"I think she's just trying to get attention," I said.   
"How are you feeling?" Brian asked. He kissed my hand.   
"I'm OK," I said. "I think Syd wants to keep me here since I'm not eating or drinking anything hardly."   
"You'll be better soon," Brian said.   
"Is Casey home yet?" I asked.  
"Yes," Brian said. "I told her this morning she's coming over here shortly."   
I nodded. Then the door bust open and there was Casey.   
"Told you," Brian said with a smile.   
"Oh my god are you OK?" Casey asked rushing over to the bed.   
"I don't know," I said.   
"Bri told me what you have," Casey said. She gave me a hug. "I thought you were dead or something the way Brian's face looked when he told me. What the heck is HSP anyway?"   
"All I know is that it's a blood disease," I said. "It can get worse than this but Syd said it probably won't happen."   
"That's good," Casey said.   
"So how was the beach?" I asked.   
"Awesome," Casey said. "I heard the play was good."   
I nodded. "Yep it turned out great."   
Casey stayed for about an hour talking and trying to keep me company. I was really lucky to have friends like Brian and Casey I only wished my sister would spend as much time with me as they did.   
  
I felt as if I were floating on air. My whole body felt as if it was on fire and I couldn't breath.   
"Ash can you hear me?" someone said. It sounded like Syd but I couldn't be sure. My head was spinning. "Ash we're taking you to ICU you have an infection."   
I wanted to scream, "No don't take me away." But I couldn't. Everything was hazy and out of focus. I wanted to tell everyone that I was all right but I couldn't something was holding me back.   
"Will she be OK?" I heard someone ask I knew right away it was Brian. I didn't hear a reply.   
"Tube her," someone said. I didn't recognize the voice. I couldn't tell where I was or who was speaking to me. I finally fell into a peaceful darkness.   
  
I awoke sometime later (It felt like days) and saw Syd sitting beside the bed. The tube must have been removed.   
"Hey," Syd said coming over to me. "You're doing a lot better we were able to lick the infection."   
I nodded. "Where are my sister and Brian?" I asked weakly. My voice was scratchy from the tube.   
"Outside waiting to see you," Syd said.   
A few seconds later Brian appeared at my bedside. "Hey you had us worried." He kissed my cheek.   
"I'm OK," I whispered. I smiled. "I'm going to be OK."   
  
  
  
  
Amy's POV  
  
I was so bored in the hospital. Ashley was getting out of ICU, something happened, I could care less. I was mad at Ashley, she could be so... self-absorbed. Sometimes I wished I had the disease, not for the attention.. just so I could die. I hated being alive... I wanted to die. But I couldn't tell anyone that... they'd make me see some kind of doctor...  
"Amy, we're going." syd said, she was wheeling Ashley.   
" Yeah whatever." i said. I walked out to the car and got in the back. Syd put Ashley in the front, and folding the wheelchair into the back. We sat in silence the whole way home. When we got home, I had over 20 messages from friends.   
" Hey Amy, are you coming to the beach. Call me." I heard Chris's voice say. I ran over to the phone as fast as I could.  
" Hello?" He asked.  
" Hey, it's Amy." i said.  
" Are you going to the beach?" He asked.  
" Let me ask." i said. I wlaked over to Syd. "can I got out with some friends?" I  
" Where?" Syd asked.  
" To the beach. It's a party type thing." i said.   
" Sure." She sighed, and looked through her papers.   
" I can." i said excited.  
" Okay, I'll see you in 30." He said and hung up.   
I ran upstairs, and rushed into the bathroom. I fixed my hair, brushed my teeth, and ran into the bedroom. Ashley was on her bed, reading.. (drum roll) A Walk to Remember.  
" Do you ever stop reading that?" I asked, looking through my drawers.  
" I just love it, the realationships.." She said in a dreamy voice.  
"Aka, dumb stuff that would never happen." i said. I yanked some clothes out my dresser. "Which bathing suit."   
" That one." she said and pointed to my blue and white bikini.   
" Okay." I said. I went into the bathroom and got changed. I came back out, threw on a white halter top, a pair of shorts and my sandals.   
" Where are you going?" She asked.  
" To the beach." I said.  
" With who?"  
" A bunch of friends... calm down." I said.  
" Have fun." She called. Before I shut the door i turned around.  
" i always do with those potheads."  
  
We must have been at the beach for almost an hour. I felt like I ate so much, I'd puke. Everyone was drinking and smoking, and doing various other activites, but I stayed clear. I knew if i was caught, I was dead. And that was the last thing I needed.  
" Hey, let's take some row boats out to there!" Eric said.  
" Dude, no." Chris said.  
" Come on. You and me in this boat, Sharon and Amy in that one. We've done it before." Eric said pleading.   
" You up to it?" Chris asked.  
" YEAH!" We yelled. We all jumped into the row boats. As we got off the sand, I could feel the water coming in the boat and the air filled my lungs.   
" Let's race." Chris said.   
" Okay." We agreed. We started rowing as fast as we could, when Sharon and i got stuck. We were on a rock, or something, and the guys were too far ahead of us to hear us.  
" This sucks." Sharon said.  
" Yeah it does." I said. We started rocking back and forth to get off the rock.   
" Amy... Amy... look!" Sharon said. I turned my head and screamed. Next thing I knew i was upbove the water treading gasping for air.  
" SHARON! SHARON!" I screamed.  
" HELP ME!" She screamed, I saw her frantically trying to stay about water.  
" CALM DOWN!" i screamed, I swam from her, as I was swimming a huge wave came crashing over me, and I was thrown into the jetty. I was bleeding really heavy, but i couldn't let Sharon down. She was going under water for longer periods of time. I jumped and started running, slipping, and trying to get back on my feet. The guys were running for her too. We were all scared. She was screaming, and going under.   
" SHARON WAIT!" i kept screaming, I was crying harder than I had any time in my life.   
" SHARON!" The guys kept screaming. I got all the way into the water and went for her... she was getting less and less frantic, she seemed a million miles away... she was getting farther and farther away.   
" Sharon-Sharon...wait, wait." I kept crying, I was saying it over and over. We got to her, and grabbed her body, rushing back to shore. I couldn't tell if she was breathing, I was sobbing. We laid her down on the sand, the moon was shining on her face.  
" Sharon...Sharon." Chris said tapping her. "Call 911." Eric went over to my purse and grabbed my cell.   
" Sharon, don't die, don't die." i cried. i couldn't stop. Her face was turning blue, we laid her on her side, all this gross stuff came out of her mouth... it wasn't puke nor water. Her skin was getting cold and nasty.   
It seemed like forever but finally the ambulance got there. The paramedics came rushing around her, cops were there and everything. I was lying on the ground sobbing holding her purse.   
" She's a goner, get a body bag. Get those three to the police station, contact the parents." I heard one of the EMTs say. My heart felt like it was just ripped out of my chest and thrown against the jetty, the first actual friend i made in Rhode Island as dead, and i could have saved her.   
  
Ashley's POV:   
  
I knew something was terribly wrong when Amy walked into our room several hours later. She looked like she'd just seen a ghost. "Amy what's wrong?" I asked.   
Amy didn't say anything she just looked at me.   
"OK fine you don't have to tell me," I said turning back to my book. I'd just finished A Walk To Remember and I was now reading another book by Nicholas Sparks A Bend In The Road.   
"My friend drowned tonight," Amy said quietly.   
I looked at her wide eyed. "What? Who?"   
"Sharon," Amy managed to choke out. She then burst into uncontrollable sobs. "She's gone, dead."   
I wanted to go over and hug her but I couldn't even stand much less walk. Frustrated I turned my head wishing this stupid disease hadn't taken over my body. I wanted to be there for my sister but I couldn't I was stuck in bed. I looked at her.   
"I don't want to talk about it," Amy said. She turned away from me.   
"OK," I said quietly. "If you want to I'll be here I'm not going anywhere."   
Amy didn't say anything she just laid on her bed and I could hear her crying something she hadn't done since Mom died.   
  
I awoke in the middle of the night to screaming. I looked over at Amy and saw that she was sitting up in bed crying and screaming.   
"NOOOOOOOOO!!" she screamed. I slowly sat up and reached for the light.   
"Amy," I said. "Amy wake up."   
She kept on screaming.   
I didn't know what to do. I was scared...I'd never seen anyone having a nightmare before....or a breakdown (whatever Amy was having) before and It scared me. I pulled back the covers and slowly stood. Something I hadn't been able to do in over three weeks. I then fell hitting my arm on the table. "Amy." My legs hurt so bad, the pain was unbearable. I felt hot tears come to my eyes. "Amy."   
Amy had stopped screaming and was crying softly.   
"Amy," I said again a little louder. I was surprised Joanie hadn't come in the room but then I remembered that Joanie and Hannah were having a camp out downstairs and probably couldn't hear us. The pain was so intense now I couldn't move. "Amy."   
Amy turned over, still crying. When she saw me she leaped out of bed. "Oh my god are you OK?" Amy got down on the floor beside me and tried to help me up.   
"OW," I almost screamed. I clung to her. Finally I was able to make it to Amy's bed leaning on Amy for full support.   
"Are you OK?" she asked. I was shocked. I'd never heard my sister ask if me or anyone was all right before and it surprised me.   
"Yeah," I whispered. Amy laid down beside me. I could see tears still lingering in her eyes. "Thanks."   
Amy started sobbing again. I'd never seen her cry this much in my life but it was normal, after all she'd just seen her friend down. Still it was shocking though, she hadn't cried hardly at all when mom died, she always wanted to the tough one. It seemed like she never cared about anything or anyone but I knew that wasn't true. Amy and I were twins, we knew these things. We were supposed to be best friends too but that all changed when mom died.   
"You know I don't totally hate you, you know," Amy said. We were facing each other. "I just...I don't know."   
"I understand," I whispered. "I know you're upset and I would be too if I saw my friend die."   
"I know you must think I totally want to kill you," Amy said. "But the truth is I just want to be like you, just for one day. I know we've been over this before but sometimes I feel as if everyone hates me and I just want to die...I just want to leave this world."   
I started crying too. "NO please don't say that. You're my sister Amy my only sister I don't know what I'd do without you."   
"The only reason I've been so mean to you is because I don't want to lose you too," Amy said. "And after tonight that fear became more real, more deep. And with you in the hospital and everything......"   
"I'm not dying," I said. "You're stuck with me."   
  
Amy and I talked well into the night telling each other about our lives and our friends and remembering mom. It was a night I will never forget I hoped that Amy meant what she said that night; I hoped with all my heart she meant every word.   
  
  
  
Amy's POV  
  
I woke up the next day to Syd knocking on the door, she came in and sat at the edge of my bed.  
" Amy, I read about Sharon, why didn't you tell me?" Syd asked. I bite my lip.  
" Because I couldn't." I choked out.   
" Are you okay?" She asked.   
" Yeah, my best friend just died." I snapped. "Thats all though."   
" I'm sorry. Her obituary is in the paper. I cut it out. Her funeral is in three days. The viewing is in two."  
" I really thank you for this all, but I don't feel like talking." i said.  
" I understand, bye" She said and left the room. I sat there, buried my head into my pillow and cried, wishing i would have been the one to die.   
  
Ashley came into our room. She was using a wheelchair to get around, but when she wanted to go up or downstairs, she had to get Jim to carry her up or down.   
" How you hanging?" She asked.  
" fine, you?" I asked.  
" Okay, my legs are getting less swollen, I think thats a good thing."   
" Yeah," i said. I pictured Sharon's face in my mind, it was blue it looked cold, her hair was wet and mangled, her eyes looked like glass... they were so dull and not moving her huge blue eyes staring at me, blood was coming out of her head rolling down her face, and that stuff coming out...out of her mouth... I screamed. I scared myself, and Ashley.   
" What?" she asked.  
" I got to go." i cried. I could feel big, hot, wet tears rolling down my face. I ran past Joanie in the kitchen, I ran as if there was no tomorrow, until I got to the beach. i looked at the sand, I kicked it, I screamed at it, I threw rocks at the jetty. I noticed the row boat was still on the boat, all broken. In the sand we still had some items. Like my keys were there, my sunglasses, a lot of different items from my purse... and I saw Sharon's purse again under a rock. I must have put it there, not wanting the cops to get it. I picked it up, my chest was pounding and it hurt more than anything in the world. Why did we agree to go? why? why didn't I save her... I couldn't understand. i took the purse and walked slowly...  
  
" Hello?" Sharon's Mom asked answering the door. Her face was red and puffy, she looked horrible.   
" Hi... I'm-" I cried, I couldn't get the words out.  
" Your Amy Bidwell. I know." She said, I thought she hated me. She hugged me.   
" I'm so sorry... I could have saved her." I cried. Her Mom was crying too, she held on to the back of my head.  
" No Honey, the Good Lord has her. SHe's a new angel." She said her voice cracking. We hugged in silence, and we broke apart.  
" This is Sharons... it was on the beach." i cried. She took it and looked at it, handing it back to me.   
" You keep it. She was your best friend, and you were hers." She said. We talked for a few minutes, and i left going home.   
  
Before I knew it, it was the funeral. Ashley went with me. There were a lot people there, I'd say over 200. I was sobbing, I sobbed really hard. I couldn't look at her, I kept my eyes down the whole time. When they were putting her into the ground, I felt like i was going to throw up...my legs were weak..weak and wobbly. I felt like i had no heart, stomach, nor legs. I wanted to puke everything i had up, I never wanted to eat again. I wanted to die...  
  
That night, i laid in bed tired. Ashley was sound asleep. I kept thinking about how it was my fault Sharon died. And i didn't deserve to live, I wanted to die to see Sharon and Mom. I stood up, and went out into the hallway bathroom. I saw a huge container of aspirin. I heard aspirin could kill you, I took about four huge handfuls. I felt dizzy and sleepy. I figured being sleepy was because i was dying and went back into the room to go to sleep.   
  
Ashley's POV: Next morning:   
  
I woke up and looked at the clock. Ten AM. Ugh I didn't want to get up (I've never been a late sleeper) but something told me I had to. I looked over at Amy who was sound asleep and sighed. I climbed out of bed and grabbed my crutches Syd had let me use crutches so I wouldn't have to depend on Jim or anyone to help me up and down the stairs. I walked out of the room and made my way (slowly) down the stairs. I hobbled into the living room and found Syd on the couch reading. She looked up when she saw me.   
"Morning sleeping beauty," she said cheerfully.   
I came over to the couch and sat down putting my crutches beside me. "Hi."   
"How are you feeling?" Syd asked.   
I shrugged. "I'm OK a little worried about Amy though I just can't believe it."   
"I know," Syd said.   
"But that night..the night that Sharon died Amy and I talked for like the first time in ages," Ashley said. "I think she was scared of losing me too. But I'm not going anywhere."   
Syd gave me a hug. "No, you're not. What time is it?"   
"Ten," I answered.   
"You used to be the early bird around here," Syd said.   
I shrugged. "I know I think it's the disease."   
Syd smiled. "We'll let your sis sleep a little longer," Syd said. She stood up and gave me my crutches. "Want some breakfast?"   
I shook my head. "Not really."   
"How about something light," Syd said.   
"OK I could do that," I said. I hobbled over to a chair and sat down. Syd cut me up an apple (I love apples) and put the bowl in front of me.   
"Try and see if this stays down," Syd said sitting down beside me.   
I nodded and took one bite. The apple tasted good going down. I hadn't had any real food in four weeks or more.   
  
By one o'clock that afternoon Amy hadn't woken up yet. I was starting to get worried. OK yeah sure my sister slept late but never this late. I made my way upstairs and into our room.   
"Amy?" I asked. "Don't you need to get up."   
"NO GO AWAY!1" Amy screamed.   
I stepped back a little. I had thought that after our talk the night of the drowning that Amy was going to be nicer toward me, guess I was wrong.   
"STOP ringing that stupid bell," Amy said. She buried her head in her pillow.   
"There is no bell," I said. "What's wrong with you?"   
"GO AWAY!!" Amy screamed. She threw a pillow at me and flopped back down on the bed.   
The pillow hit me in the face causing me to slightly lose my balance. I held onto the door for support. "Fine, come down when you're in a better moo I'll be in the shower." I walked into the bathroom and turned on the water. I hadn't been able to take a shower in weeks because I hadn't been able to walk. I know that sounds nasty but it's the truth. I stared at myself in the mirror. I was doing better, the color was back in my face and I wasn't throwing up anymore. I looked down and something caught my eye. There was an empty Tylenol bottle lying on the counter. I picked it up and studied it. Had Amy or someone taken the last Tylenol? Then a horrible realization hit me, Amy had O.D on Tylenol. My heart began to pound. I understood now why my sister was acting so crabby, she had been trying to kill herself. Tears came to my eyes. Had I been the cause of this? Had my illness and Sharon's death been to much for my sister? I took a deep breath and wiped the tears from my eyes. I didn't know what to do. Should I tell Syd or not? I turned on the bath my mind still reeling. If I told Syd then Amy would hate me forever but if I didn't something major would happen and I couldn't lose my sister.   
"Ash are you OK?" I heard Hannah call.   
"Fine sweetie," I said opening the door a crack. I had a towel wrapped around me.   
"Just checking," Joanie said.   
I looked at Joanie. Should I tell or not?   
"What's wrong?" Joanie asked.   
"Uh...nothing," I said and closed the door. I didn't tell, I couldn't there was no way. I had to keep this a secret I just had to.   
  
  
  
Amys POV  
  
I rolled over and looked at my clock. I was alive...and was in terrible pain. My head was thumping, and I kept hearing this bell. It was driving me nuts. I stood up, and walked downstairs.  
" You want some lunch?" Joanie asked.  
" No food." I said and went to the fridge.  
" Good, cause I'm making dinner." Joanie laughed. "Girl it's four, whats the matter?"  
" I am so tired, my head is thumping... I bet it's from the tyl-" I started but caught myself.   
" Okay." She said skeptical. I just laughed uneasy, she put a pot down on the stove and it made a loud crashing noise. I stood there and stared at her. "Yes?"  
" Could we be quieter?" I asked. She laughed.  
" Sorry Sleeping Beauty." She said smiling.   
I smiled back and rolled my eyes. I went upstairs, and Ashley was lying down.  
" You woke up late." She said.  
" IS that the news of everyone's life?" I asked.   
" Sis, are you okay?" she asked.  
" Yes, are you?" I asked.  
" Yeah. My HSP is gradually going down." Ashley said.  
" Thats cool." I said.   
"Yeah, but something else is wrong." she said quietly.  
" Yes?" I asked.  
" Well, they think I have cancer of one of my kidneys from the HSP. It might just be an enormously large kidney stone though." she said.  
" Cancer?" I asked, biting my lip.  
" Probably." She said. "I feel like Jamie."  
" How can you even talk about that stupid play in a time like this?" I asked.   
" It's not stupid." Ashley said quietly.  
" Oh yeah, because it's so smart and happy." I snapped.  
" My life is turning into it!" She snapped.  
" And my life is any better?" I said back. For once I was yelling, I was so emotional to scream.   
" Yes." She said. "Yes, yes it is!"  
" Yeah my life is so great. My Mom is dead, my best friend is dead, and my sister might have cancer." I said. "My life is wonderful."   
"Listen, my life isn't any better. My Mom is dead, my best friend is healthy, I'm dying, and my sister is suicidal!" She screamed. I stared at her.  
" What?" I asked sharpe and quiet.   
" I saw the tylenol." She said quietly.  
" Just for you know, I have no idea what your talking about." I said.   
" Yes you do. You tried to O.D, you have all the symptoms of a aspirin overdose." She said.   
" One, you dont know me, two don't assume, and three stay away from me!" i screamed. I didn't leave though, I ripped out my headphones and listened to my music, ignoring the looks Ashley kept giving me.   
  
I must have fell asleep, because next thing i knew I opened my eyes and it was pitch black. I rolled over, and looked at Ashley sleeping. She was dying, the last member of my family might have kidney cancer. I felt the huge tears go down my face. I stood up and went into the bathroom. I looked through the draws until I found a razor blade. I held it in my hand. I remembered when Mom taught Ashley and I how to shave. We were all in the bathroom, she gave us our shaving cream, and taught us how to do it properly. We were acting so silly that day. I took the razor blade, pressed it against my skin and dug in deep. i didn't expect it to bleed to much, but it did. It hurt really bad too, but I didn't feel hurt on the inside. I found my way out of depression... only no one could ever find out....  
  
Ashley's POV:   
  
I didn't know what to do. I felt numb all over and it wasn't because of HSP. The doctor's words rang in my ears.   
"There's a possibility of kidney failure," he'd said. "Cancer."   
I'd gone weak in the knees. I didn't want to believe it, I couldn't. All I knew is I couldn't die I just couldn't. The doctor has discussed several options including a kidney transplant.   
"Is it really cancer?" I asked Syd as we drove to the hospital.   
"I don't know sweetie," Syd answered as we pulled into a parking spot.   
I got out of the car and followed Syd into the hospital. I was a nervous wreck and was afraid I'd burst into tears at any moment.   
"Dr. Hansen, Ashley come on in," Dr. Burke said. We went into his office and sat down.   
"So what's the news?" Syd asked.   
Dr. Burke looked at us and from what I could tell the news wasn't good. "Am I dying? Do I have cancer?" I blurted out.   
"Hold on Ashley its not as bad as you think," Dr. Burke said. "We did find a tumor on one of your kidneys but we can treat it, with chemo therapy and then possible removal."   
"Chemo?" I asked. Tears wailed up in my eyes.   
"It's the only way Ashley," Dr Burke said. "I'd like to admit you right away."   
"No," I said in a rush. "Not yet there's something I have to do first."   
"All right but don't wait to long," Dr. Burke said. "We'll admit you first thing tomorrow morning."   
I nodded and stood up my whole body trembling. Syd put an arm around me and we walked out of the office. Neither of us spoke until we reached the car.   
"I don't want to die Syd," I said. I burst into tears. Syd embraced me in a hug.   
"Shh," she whispered. "You're not going to die I won't let that happen and neither will anyone else."   
"Can you take me by Brian's I want to be the one to tell him," I said wiping away tears.   
Syd nodded and pulled out of the parking lot. Ten minutes later we reached Brian's house and I just sat there.   
"Do you want me to come with you?" Syd asked.   
I shook my head. "No, I need to do this alone. You don't have to wait I'll call when I'm ready to come home."   
Syd nodded and pulled away as soon as I got out of the car.   
I slowly walked up the walk and rang the doorbell. I tried to hide the tears that were threatening their way down my cheeks. A few seconds later Brian came to the door.   
"Hey1" he said smiling. As soon as he saw my expression his smile disappeared. "Is something wrong."   
I couldn't take it I let the tears flow. Brian put an arm around me and led me inside.   
"Ash what's wrong?" he asked. We sat down on the couch in the living room.   
I looked at him. He looked so concerned. "I just got back from the doctors. I have cancer on one of my kidneys."   
Brian just stared at me. I felt like we were doing the play all over again.   
"I'm going to start chemo first thing tomorrow," I said. I cried even more and then looked at him.   
"We'll get through this," he said. He embraced me in a tight hug. "Does anyone else know?"   
I shook my head. "Only Amy and the family I just found out today."   
"Are you scared?" Brian asked me.   
"OK now I really do feel like Jamie Sullivan," I said.   
"This isn't a game," Brian said.   
I looked at him long and hard. "I'm scared of dying, I'm scared of not being with you, I'm scared of what will happen to Amy."   
"Oh baby that'll never happen," Brain said. He embraced me in another hug.   
We stayed like that for a long time and I finally let go.   
"Can I come and see you?" Brian asked.   
I smiled. "You better. Promise me something."   
"Anything," Brain said. He touched my cheek.   
"Promise me that you'll tell Casey gently," I said. "I don't think I can handle anymore."   
"I promise," Brian said.   
"Don't let her get all weepy on me," I said. I stood up. "I love youi."   
"I love you too," Brian said. We hugged. "Do you want me to walk you home?"   
I nodded. "Sure."   
  
When Brian and I reached the house Amy was in the yard with Hannah.   
"Syd just told me," she said coming up to us.   
I nodded. "Yeah."   
I walked toward the house with Brain. We walked into the kitchen and fond Syd, Jim and Joanie at the kitchen table. "Is there a family meeting I should know about?"   
Syd looked at me. "We're just talking."   
"About me?" I guessed.   
Syd nodded.   
"Hey Ash I gotta get going," Brian said. "I'll come and see you tomorrow."   
I nodded. We hugged and I watched him leave. I sat down beside Joanie.   
"It'll be OK kiddo," Joanie said.   
I looked at her. "What if its not. What if I really am dying? What will happen to Amy? Who will take care of her? I'm the only one she'll listen to." I buried my head in Syd's shoulder and cried. I didn't want to die, there was still so much left I wanted to do.   
  
The next morning at six AM I arrived at the hospital. My room was yellow and looked homey for a hospital that is. My chemo treatment was going to start at two that afternoon.   
"I'm scared Syd," I said. Syd was wearing scrubs and her ID.   
"I know," Syd said. "But we're going to lick this thing Ash we have to."   
"Is my sister coming?" I asked. "I really want to see her."   
"Joanie is going to bring her later," Syd replied. "Ash we're starting you on an IV."   
I cringed at the thought of more needles. I held out my arm.   
"It'll only take a second," Syd said. I felt the sharp prick of the needle and closed my eyes. "All done."   
I opened them again. "Will I lose my hair?"   
Syd nodded. "I'm afraid so sweetie but don't worry hair grows."   
I sighed. This was going to be a long day.   
  
At two o'clock I was taken to the place where they would give me my chemo. I laid there as the medicine dripped through my veins. By four o'clock I was so weak I could barely move. I felt sick and I vomited the whole way back to my room. Syd was there to greet me and so was Brian. But my sister wasn't. My sister was nowhere to be seen.   
"She did great," the nurse said.   
Brian came over to me. "You're going to be OK."   
I nodded to sick to say anything. "Thank you," I finally chocked out. I felt sick again. "Syd....."   
I threw up and that continued well into the evening hours. Brian stayed a long time reading to me, talking, trying to take my mind off the crappy medication and the vomiting. I looked at the clock hours later. It was almost eight and my sister hadn't come.   
  
  
Amy's POV  
  
"Right." I said to Chris.  
" Are you okay?" He asked.  
" If I wasn't, do you honestly think I'd tell you?" I asked smiling.  
" No, but I wish you would." He said, and threw his cig butt out the window.   
" I guess I'm still trying to accept the fact my mother is dead, my best friend is dead, and my sister is dying."  
" Amy, I know your going through some tough stuff. But, that doesn't mean you can go around doing some crazy stuff." He said and looked out the window.  
" Huh?" i asked.  
" Just don't go doing stupid things. I love you too much." He said. I turned and looked at him.  
" What?" I asked.  
" Well since I can't keep my mouth shut, I love you." He said.  
" I love you too." I said, I didn't know what kind of love he meant. Best friend love, brother/sister love, relationship love. I was confused.   
" Do you need a ride to the hospital?" He asked.  
" Yeah." I said, and shifted the weight of my body over.   
  
We got to the hospital, Chris and I sat in the car for a few minutes quiet.  
" What did you mean when you said i love you." We asked at the same time, we laughed.   
" I don't know. I feel like I love you, but I'm not sure." Chris said. "I know your my best friend, and I love you like that, but I'm not sure if I love you in a relationship kind of way."   
" Same." I said. "I'm not ready." I said. He looked over at me, and i left.   
  
" Excuse me." I said to the receptionist. She ignored me and kept filing her nails, talking on the phone. 'Excuse me." I said raising my voice. "YO!" i screamed. She didn't even look up. Finally I snapped the nail file out of her hand and threw it, and took the phone and threw it against the desk. She stared at me. "Pay attention Blondie." I snapped.  
" Well-I-never." she said.   
" Well I never thought anyone would act the way you did. Now, tell me where Ashley Bidwell is." I said, she started going slow. "NOW!" I yelled.  
" Room 401." She snapped.  
" Thank you." I said.   
  
I knocked on the door, and went inside. Brian was there, he and Ashley were reciting A Walk to Remember lines.   
" Hey Buckly Brian, move it." I said. He jumped up.  
" Amy." He said. "I'd like to know why you weren't here for her." He said.   
" I'd like to know why your talking to me." I said back. He rolled his eyes.  
" Bye Sweetie." He said, and shoved past me. I tripped him, and he left.  
" How are you?" I asked.  
" I'm okay." She said.   
" Cool, I was thinking about you." I said.  
" i was thinking about you." She said.   
" You'll be fine."   
" I know." She said.   
  
Ashley's POV:   
  
My sister and I talked for a long time. She told me all about Chris. I tried to keep my mind off how crappy I felt.   
"He told me he loved me," Amy said smiling. "But not in a relationship kind of way. I really don't know what he meant."   
I patted her arm. "Don't worry it'll work out." I laid back against the pillows. "I was afraid you wouldn't come I know how you hate hospitals."   
"I was coming," Amy said. "Chris is just a slow driver."   
I smiled. "Its OK I forgive you." Amy and I sat there for a long while not saying anything. Finally I spoke up. "You know the one person I want to meet?"   
"Who?" Amy asked.   
"Mandy Moore," I said. "I know you probably think its stupid but I want to tell her that I was Jamie also."   
"That's cool," Amy said. I knew she really didn't mean it.   
"And I want to go on a boat," I said. "And travel to mysterious places and explore."   
"OK why are you telling me all this?" Amy snapped.   
I was taken aback. "I don't know. We were running out of things to talk about."   
"Just save your stupid dreams for later," Amy snapped. "I'm out of here. I'll try to come back and see you later, when you actually talk about things that aren't so bogus."   
Tears came to my eyes. I couldn't believe my sister was acting like this. I rolled over and was soon asleep.   
  
A week later I was still in the hospital. I wasn't sure that the chemo was doing its job but I had total faith in Dr. Burke. But I was sicker than ever. I was reading A Bend In The Road by Nicholas Sparks when Syd came into the room followed by Brian and the Dr. Burke.   
"Ash Dr. Burke has some news for us," Syd said. She looked worried.   
"Ash what I'm about to tell you is probably going to come as a shock," Dr. Burke said. I gulped down the lump that was forming in my throat.   
"It appears that the chemo is not doing what we want it to," Dr. Burke said. "We've got you on the strongest dose there is. Its not killing the tumor. I'm afraid you only have one month to live, if that even."   
I looked at him unable to speak. I couldn't believe it. I was dying. 


End file.
